Conversation with XYZ around afternoon on 11/20/2004

(22:51:11) XYZ: are u there?
(22:51:57) XYZ: come on how can u do this"? where are u gone now?
(22:56:58) The conversation has become inactive and timed out.
(23:56:02) XYZ: are u there?
(00:01:02) The conversation has become inactive and timed out.
(00:29:02) XYZ: hey man are u there?
(00:29:22) Gaurang: hey
(00:29:28) Gaurang: i am here.....
(00:29:29) Gaurang: now
(00:29:40) Gaurang: whats up....
(00:29:46) XYZ: thank God
(00:30:24) XYZ: first tel me whats wrong with u?
(00:30:48) XYZ: i hav been waiting for y online since morning
(00:30:57) XYZ: why have u left the job?
(00:31:51) XYZ: hey where are u gone again?
(00:32:11) Gaurang: the computer was online... i was not at the computer though
(00:32:23) XYZ: i knw
(00:32:23) Gaurang: i was fired from my job ...
(00:32:35) XYZ: y
(00:33:11) Gaurang: wrong attitude... depression... lack of motivation .. not feeling good ...
(00:33:19) Gaurang: indiscipline
(00:33:29) Gaurang: coming late
(00:33:29) XYZ: how can that be the case
(00:33:43) Gaurang: my whole focus of life... just withered down...
(00:33:53) Gaurang: i didnt know why i was doing what i was doing
(00:34:01) Gaurang: i dont know where should i go - what should i do
(00:34:08) Gaurang: i dont find any purpose in any job or anything
(00:34:15) Gaurang: feeling a deep sense of failure
(00:34:33) Gaurang: http://gaurang.org/me
(00:34:37) XYZ: gaurang whats wrong with u? y r u so talking?
(00:34:38) Gaurang: things were going bad...
(00:34:49) Gaurang: its not as bad as it looks...
(00:34:57) Gaurang: i just fluctuate a lot in my moods
(00:35:14) XYZ: no re
(00:35:17) Gaurang: ever since i moved to the bay area... suddenly there was a lot of change
(00:35:32) Gaurang: there were only americans in the company...
(00:35:35) XYZ: i have never heard u saying so and that is worrying me more
(00:35:49) Gaurang: basically that was the first time i moved from college life to work life
(00:36:06) Gaurang: and it was hard to face life, because i was in a protective environment before
(00:36:13) Gaurang: i was not able to form good relationships with people
(00:36:21) Gaurang: and i felt bad about myself
(00:36:56) Gaurang: and that was why i spent the whole time thinking about such stuff...
(00:37:08) Gaurang: actually i cannot explain it completely...
(00:37:13) Gaurang: its a long story...
(00:37:21) Gaurang: complicated and probably meaningless
(00:37:35) Gaurang: basically i was just not capable of leading a normal life
(00:37:41) Gaurang: because life is so much pressure
(00:37:48) Gaurang: there are so many things you need to do
(00:37:54) Gaurang: there are so many expectations you need to meet
(00:37:57) Gaurang: for so many people
(00:38:07) Gaurang: its constant struggle
(00:38:15) Gaurang: especially for me
(00:38:22) Gaurang: because i had a very easy life until now in my house
(00:38:26) Gaurang: in akola and elsewhere
(00:38:32) Gaurang: even in pune, you guys were there..
(00:38:39) Gaurang: other wise it would have come that time
(00:38:58) Gaurang: anyway... i think probably ... this experience will be meaning ful
(00:39:08) Gaurang: and i will learn from it...
(00:39:17) Gaurang: i dont know - i am just mentally too weak
(00:39:27) Gaurang: emotionally...
(00:39:30) Gaurang: and in many ways
(00:39:47) Gaurang: and i cant take care of myself
(00:39:51) Gaurang: thats the basic problem
(00:40:05) Gaurang: i should constantly try to make my life better...like everybody else does
(00:40:12) Gaurang: but i dont have sufficient motivation to make my life better
(00:40:27) Gaurang: i dont know
(00:40:42) Gaurang: dont worry so much ... i mean... i fluctuate between lows and highs
(00:40:53) Gaurang: i manage to fake happiness many time
(00:41:02) Gaurang: and look normal to other people
(00:41:09) Gaurang: but the problem was deep within me
(00:41:42) Gaurang: i know i am just giving you lot of negatives here... dont worry much
(00:41:51) Gaurang: here i am with my brother and bhabhi...so its okay
(00:42:08) Gaurang: but thats another thing - change from living with friends for the last 7 years to living in a house
(00:42:14) Gaurang: there are different kinds of things
(00:42:30) Gaurang: there were no friends here initiailly when i moved to the bay area from los angeles
(00:42:39) Gaurang: so i was kind of alone and depressed
(00:42:49) Gaurang: i started thinking that i am incapable of making friends
(00:42:53) Gaurang: and thats how it started
(00:43:05) Gaurang: i have been kind of in depression for months
(00:43:18) Gaurang: and maybe its been hidden in smaller form from even a longer time
(00:43:44) Gaurang: see dont worry too much -- there is little you can do from there --- i mean i am doing fine
(00:44:03) Gaurang: just within me there is a deep sadness that comes out sometimes
(00:44:14) Gaurang: i know all this must be sounding too wierd
(00:44:21) Gaurang: i have gone too much off track i think
(00:44:29) Gaurang: normality is a distant dream
(00:44:31) XYZ: no
(00:44:40) XYZ: it happens i guess
(00:44:49) XYZ: can i ask u few questions?
(00:44:57) Gaurang: there is nobody around you looking at this right?
(00:45:09) XYZ: yeah dont worry
(00:45:17) XYZ: m all alone
(00:45:43) Gaurang: see dont worry ... you take care of people too much ... there are some people here which i talk to ...
(00:45:54) Gaurang: but i havent talked with them a lot in the past month or so
(00:46:08) Gaurang: i dont know -- its so difficult to say that i was fired
(00:46:19) Gaurang: i used to help other people in the office to do their work
(00:46:39) Gaurang: 5-10 people used to come to me to ask their difficulties
(00:46:49) Gaurang: but the problem was that i didnt find the motivation to do my own work
(00:46:57) Gaurang: i used to just keep helping people around
(00:47:07) Gaurang: earlier i had some motivation -- career and all that
(00:47:23) Gaurang: that i want to rise higher and higher... do more cooler and cooler stuff
(00:47:35) Gaurang: do stuff that requires more skill and intelligence
(00:47:52) Gaurang: suddenly in the middle i realized that i was just doing this to show other people that i am smart
(00:48:06) Gaurang: then i realized that everything i have been doing since years had this same reason
(00:48:24) Gaurang: this is plain narcissism, and i thought i will remove that tendency
(00:48:25) XYZ: no
(00:48:28) Gaurang: as soon as i removed it then
(00:48:33) Gaurang: there was no motivation left ...
(00:48:44) Gaurang: people do stuff in life in order to have a good family
(00:48:57) Gaurang: to be able to help people around you
(00:49:05) Gaurang: but my motivations were inherently flawed
(00:49:29) Gaurang: then i started training myself to do work for family and not instead for creating an image that i can show to others
(00:49:38) Gaurang: if you look at my website, it is plain narcissism.
(00:49:46) Gaurang: creating an image to show other people, which i am not
(00:50:02) Gaurang: trying to remove this trait destablized me
(00:50:26) Gaurang: because this trait had formed since long ..... i realized since my 4th when i went to panchgani
(00:50:35) Gaurang: there i found people from cities who i was not able to adjust to ..
(00:50:50) Gaurang: and not able to communicate because they were too self-oriented
(00:51:00) Gaurang: and then i started communicating through images
(00:51:24) Gaurang: then i suddenly started coming in the top of the class there
(00:51:39) Gaurang: before 5th ... i was always around 30th in the class
(00:51:45) Gaurang: then my focus changed
(00:52:01) Gaurang: to create nice images i started studying and getting good marks
(00:52:22) Gaurang: from then on, i went more and more into narcissistic personality disorder
(00:52:32) Gaurang: i was unable to form any relationships since then...
(00:52:48) Gaurang: even in school and college my behavior was weird
(00:52:53) Gaurang: i could not talk normally with friends
(00:53:18) Gaurang: but in india, the peer pressure is so high, and you are so in between society that you dont think a lot and you just keep following people
(00:53:25) Gaurang: and you follow the group...
(00:53:39) Gaurang: so even weird people like me are able to live their life normally in india
(00:53:58) Gaurang: but here in the us, where there is too much freedom to think and act, and there is no society as such
(00:54:07) Gaurang: weird people remain wierd
(00:54:31) Gaurang: and thats why there are so many very successful as well as so many insane people here
(00:54:40) Gaurang: both are the weird types
(00:54:42) Gaurang: abnormal
(00:54:46) Gaurang: basically
(00:54:52) Gaurang: i am incapable of living life normally
(00:55:00) Gaurang: my thought process is also paralyzed
(00:55:05) Gaurang: my mind cant think straight
(00:55:13) Gaurang: it just goes into different offshoots
(00:55:20) Gaurang: i can think plain and simple like the other people
(00:55:28) Gaurang: like that day i missed 3 busses in a row
(00:55:55) Gaurang: i went to the bus stop, missed a bus, came back home, went there, again missed it , again came back, and then again misssed
(00:55:56) Gaurang: it
(00:56:04) Gaurang: all the time by around 30 seconds
(00:56:11) Gaurang: i have not been able to become mature
(00:56:18) Gaurang: i am still a child in most aspects
(00:56:23) Gaurang: i cant take care of myself
(00:56:47) Gaurang: thats why i feel these days ... that i will probably be better in india ... i also dont like it around here
(00:57:06) Gaurang: in akola, i can live in the house with so many people, and there is not much to think about or to worry about
(00:57:21) Gaurang: i think i am accustomed to that life too much
(00:57:35) Gaurang: i cannot live independently - you need to be emotionally strong for that
(00:57:57) Gaurang: i dont konw ... in my interview at veritas .... i screwed up because of my ego
(00:58:24) Gaurang: i just went there -- the interviewers were not as smart as me - they didnt have as much knowledge as me either
(00:58:46) Gaurang: there was no sincerity on my part
(00:59:06) Gaurang: every body in the world is courteous , and polite and sincere and disciplined
(00:59:21) XYZ: thats wrong perception
(00:59:23) Gaurang: i am completely filled in narcissism which has ego as one of its parts
(00:59:37) XYZ: no, u think wrong
(00:59:49) Gaurang: i went there and started competing with the interviewer trying to show .. how i knew more than him
(01:00:00) Gaurang: and thats the worst thing you can do
(01:00:13) Gaurang: because that guy then starts hating you and there is no way he can select you
(01:00:38) Gaurang: anyway the problem is too complex to describe in simple and short words
(01:00:52) Gaurang: there are lots of factors that have suddenly come together
(01:01:04) Gaurang: he gave me warning to not to come late
(01:01:09) Gaurang: my manager at paypal
(01:01:15) Gaurang: even then i kept coming late
(01:01:18) Gaurang: sometimes at 3pm
(01:01:28) Gaurang: mostly at 1pm
(01:01:40) Gaurang: he recognized that i had no motivation
(01:01:57) Gaurang: and i was not doing my work as well -- i didnt find any motivation to do anything
(01:02:22) Gaurang: with all this ... i realized that i have not been growing...
(01:02:31) Gaurang: if you dont grow, man cannot function
(01:02:43) Gaurang: man can only be happy if he feels that he is growing in life
(01:02:58) Gaurang: in all ways -- in relationships, in capability, in taking care of himself and other people
(01:03:03) Gaurang: in work, etc
(01:03:07) Gaurang: in society
(01:03:15) Gaurang: i started feeling that i have stopped growing ..
(01:03:42) Gaurang: i was under extreme low self esteem and extreme depression
(01:03:59) Gaurang: i dont know....
(01:04:21) Gaurang: dont worry ... i mean... things are not so bad...
(01:04:38) Gaurang: its just that i have to generate a will
(01:04:44) Gaurang: willpower to be happy in life...
(01:05:08) Gaurang: and then once you are happy , you do automatically the right things in life
(01:05:20) Gaurang: but of course its not easy
(01:05:50) Gaurang: now i will get an H1 done from a consultant...
(01:05:59) Gaurang: because its close to 30 days since my job ended
(01:06:11) Gaurang: it becomes risky after that
(01:06:22) Gaurang: after i join a consultant...
(01:06:40) Gaurang: i will try to look for full time jobs for a while... if i cant then i will join one of the clients of the consultant
(01:07:05) Gaurang: things are okay...
(01:07:21) Gaurang: i just have to find the right context...
(01:07:28) Gaurang: i have lost context
(01:07:34) Gaurang: it is difficult to do so here...
(01:08:01) Gaurang: there are lots of things i havent even said
(01:08:32) Gaurang: but anyway this will give a good picture of whats happenning
(01:08:43) Gaurang: i was crying daily for 30 minutes for the past several months
(01:09:00) Gaurang: i thought of going to a therapist, but they give medicine, and i dont want that
(01:09:01) XYZ: what?
(01:09:11) XYZ: y
(01:09:22) Gaurang: i mean everything
(01:09:31) Gaurang: i just felt that people didnt like me...
(01:09:47) Gaurang: i was not able to form friendships even with people who i liked in the company
(01:09:54) Gaurang: there was a girl , she was married
(01:10:06) Gaurang: and i liked her a lot..and even she liked me somewhat
(01:10:19) Gaurang: but i was not able to talk to her... i didnt know what to talk
(01:10:34) Gaurang: i couldnt even make her a friend
(01:11:07) Gaurang: there were a lot of good people in the company .... i was just not well enough to talk to them...
(01:11:14) Gaurang: i didnt feel motivation...
(01:11:22) Gaurang: people talk because of motivation for the self...
(01:11:47) Gaurang: in my case, since i couldnt find motivation for my self, and i was mostly thinking negatively about myself, i didnt know what to talk
(01:12:15) Gaurang: the problems were manifold
(01:12:28) Gaurang: the problems all supported each other and were growing...
(01:12:38) Gaurang: life just seemed to be broken
(01:13:01) Gaurang: i dont know yaar......
(01:13:14) Gaurang: you dont worry too much there... i shouldnt have told you all this...
(01:13:27) Gaurang: dont worry ... everything will be fine...
(01:13:50) Gaurang: all problems are internal... there are no external problems/events
(01:14:28) Gaurang: one thing i have been trying to do is to make my sleep schedule normal
(01:14:34) Gaurang: but i havent been able to do that
(01:14:40) Gaurang: thats another problem
(01:15:05) Gaurang: because when i sleep too late and get up too late, the day is already over, and then everything starts going wron
(01:15:14) Gaurang: and it become depressive
(01:15:31) Gaurang: sometime when i wake up early, i feel better and more positive
(01:15:49) Gaurang: i just want to do strictly start keeping a normal sleep schedule
(01:16:05) Gaurang: and i think that will solve some of the problems...
(01:16:41) Gaurang: see my outlook is also negative thats one problem - because otherwise other flaws and incapabilities have always been there
(01:16:46) Gaurang: there is nothing much new
(01:16:53) Gaurang: only the circumstances are new
(01:17:03) Gaurang: but the problems have been there for a long long time
(01:17:13) Gaurang: so if i just start with a positive outlook
(01:17:24) Gaurang: anyway...
(01:17:45) Gaurang: i mean... i just want to say that dont worry ...
(01:18:01) Gaurang: and yes, there were some problems in my school also
(01:18:04) Gaurang: in USC
(01:18:12) Gaurang: in my first semester i was fine ...
(01:18:16) Gaurang: and then ....
(01:18:36) Gaurang: from the second sem onwards i started becoming very indisciplined and unmotivated
(01:18:49) Gaurang: i stopped submitting projects
(01:19:02) Gaurang: i used to start projects 1 day after their deadline and then not complete them
(01:19:10) Gaurang: and my grades also went down a lot....
(01:19:11) Gaurang: a lot
(01:19:23) Gaurang: i used to not prepare for exams,,, and the usual stuff
(01:19:30) Gaurang: there is a masochistic tendency in me
(01:19:41) Gaurang: in which i get pleasure in troubling myself
(01:19:49) Gaurang: this also has been there for a long time
(01:20:04) Gaurang: here in the US with more freedom it started causing lots of troubles
(01:20:21) Gaurang: i used to get a kick in not doing projects on time, or being late in everything
(01:21:00) Gaurang: in fact, i might have been the only person in the whole history of the school who has not done so many projects , even when i could have done them if i tried to
(01:21:10) Gaurang: my grade slipped ...
(01:21:30) Gaurang: and in the end i also missed the passing grade for the course by a small mark
(01:21:48) Gaurang: then i had to do one extra course to get back on track
(01:22:00) Gaurang: so you know things have been bad
(01:22:13) Gaurang: so i dont really what are the exact causes of problems
(01:22:23) Gaurang: whats actually happenning here
(01:22:42) Gaurang: one thing i know for sure is i should start listening to people and start following what they say...
(01:22:50) Gaurang: i realized that a couple of days ago...
(01:23:11) Gaurang: i should just follow the convention and do what people do and do what people advise to me, without doing any independent thought
(01:24:01) Gaurang: my thinking also started becoming too much psychological and i started looking at behaviors as objects of study rather than at face value
(01:24:12) Gaurang: and i started reasoning them
(01:24:40) Gaurang: that also caused a problem ... because people should not reason a lot actually... especially the usual normal behavioural stuff
(01:24:57) Gaurang: even in the conversation you will see that i have made many generic statements....
(01:25:02) Gaurang: that is one problem
(01:25:15) Gaurang: instead of looking at the problem, i start reasoning out human behavior
(01:25:39) Gaurang: anyway... now i think i am talking too incoherent now...
(01:25:53) Gaurang: i have been writing for too long ;)
(01:26:25) Gaurang: dont worry .... okay ... concentrate on your work and family and friends...
(01:26:54) XYZ: thats what I m trying to do...conc on freinds...on u
(01:26:59) Gaurang: i will be fine... i am already feeling a little better because i have spoken out many things going on in my mind
(01:27:39) Gaurang: thats another problem -- i have not been able to talk more intimately with people, and i have tried to solve all problems on my own... without any help from others
(01:27:47) Gaurang: thats a basic problem...
(01:28:12) Gaurang: i realized that in the last few days, and i am now trying to be more frank and open and let others know my problem
(01:28:20) Gaurang: so that i can get some help ...
(01:28:35) Gaurang: trying to solve everything on own is just too difficult
(01:29:43) Gaurang: i know you will be thinking of what to say at this point ... dont worry.... as i said i am already feeling better now.... i dont know how long this will last though
(01:30:33) Gaurang: i might forward our conversation to some of my friends here...
(01:30:38) Gaurang: so that i can talk to them about this...
(01:30:54) XYZ: i was thinking of asking u if i can do that
(01:31:01) XYZ: u dont do thart
(01:31:10) XYZ: i will forward it to ABC and DEF
(01:31:14) Gaurang: NO NO
(01:31:21) XYZ: with ur permission
(01:31:47) Gaurang: i dont know -- much of this stuff is just too weird and awkward --
(01:31:51) XYZ: gaurang, now can i ask u something?
(01:31:54) Gaurang: i have almost gone insane here
(01:32:02) Gaurang: what
(01:32:05) Gaurang: ofcourse
(01:32:11) XYZ: ABC and DEF are 2 ppl who wont think so, i believe
(01:32:29) XYZ: so no worries in sending it to them
(01:32:31) Gaurang: i know but i dont want to trouble so many people you know ...
(01:32:45) Gaurang: they might unnecessarily get too worried...
(01:32:49) XYZ: DEF becos even he is aware that theres something wrong with u
(01:33:11) Gaurang: ok i think you can forward this to them...
(01:33:19) XYZ: and ABC beocs i want him to know abt this all and help u since he is in US and in a better position to help u there
(01:33:40) XYZ: ok so now can i ask u something?
(01:33:44) Gaurang: ABC must be hating me ... as i said i dont know how to talk with friends, how to build friendships, relationships
(01:33:53) Gaurang: i didnt even call him lots of times
(01:34:13) Gaurang: when he came here i should have called him up etc, called him here , but i just forgot to do that...
(01:34:31) Gaurang: even though internally i feel a lot like "one" with you guys...
(01:34:44) Gaurang: yeah, you can keep asking me anything
(01:35:06) Gaurang: i cant manage my time
(01:35:13) Gaurang: i cant even do all the things i want to do
(01:35:28) Gaurang: i want to call so many people up..... help out my bhabhi....
(01:35:36) Gaurang: connect with friends...
(01:35:41) Gaurang: there are lots of things to be done....
(01:35:52) Gaurang: but i havent been able to take care of even my bhabhi
(01:35:55) XYZ: are u feeling lonely and isolated there?
(01:36:11) Gaurang: gravely
(01:36:21) Gaurang: but the problems are all created by me .....
(01:36:34) Gaurang: i mean there are so many people here that i can talk to ..... but i dont know....
(01:36:40) XYZ: no dont look at it that way
(01:36:46) Gaurang: i feel very alone...especially given all the problems
(01:36:55) XYZ: i know it happens
(01:37:24) Gaurang: i didnt even email you guys ...
(01:37:26) XYZ: all i can understand from ur problems is that the root cause of it is that u think a lot
(01:37:28) Gaurang: i wanted to do so much
(01:37:34) Gaurang: i cant handle my own stuff
(01:37:35) XYZ: ok
(01:37:42) XYZ: now forget the past
(01:37:44) Gaurang: i dont reply to emails...
(01:37:51) Gaurang: to almost everybody..
(01:37:59) Gaurang: i cant do things that i want to do
(01:38:06) XYZ: try and understand what i have to say and tell me if i am right
(01:38:07) Gaurang: that is another sense of failure
(01:38:30) Gaurang: yeah
(01:38:46) XYZ: dont u think tht u are one of those rare ppl who think a lot
(01:39:03) XYZ: what do u think, things will change overnight for u?
(01:39:23) Gaurang: that is an incapability of the brain -- that is actually one symptom of schizophrenia... lots of fleeting thoughts
(01:39:35) Gaurang: earlier i was of the belief that i had schizophrenia
(01:39:49) Gaurang: then i realized that there are other diseases which are more relevant to my case
(01:40:01) XYZ: u say that u have problems for a long long time (which i really dont think are serious problems--unless u take them seriously)
(01:40:05) Gaurang: i think once i am in a circle of people
(01:40:13) XYZ: there is nothing of that kind
(01:40:15) Gaurang: i tend to follow them
(01:40:28) Gaurang: and then i can be normal ...
(01:40:54) Gaurang: so
(01:40:57) Gaurang: after i get this job...
(01:41:04) Gaurang: i will make sure i talk to people
(01:41:24) Gaurang: one another thing i have realized is that people are nice... so they exchange care
(01:41:47) Gaurang: what i used to think is that - why he will want to talk to me -- and then i used to not even talk to new people
(01:41:52) XYZ: look around urself...all the so called successful ppl as well have some or the other deficiencies which they not necessalriy let others know or try to improve for all of a sudden
(01:41:55) Gaurang: i thought they will find me too boring or dumb
(01:42:22) XYZ: ppl actually dont think only to be very true
(01:42:37) Gaurang: i have realized that i need to talk to people and show that i need intimacy ... people's desire for support and intimacy is no issue of shame
(01:42:44) XYZ: this is ur misconception that all successful ppl have been so becos they think that way
(01:42:50) Gaurang: now i think i will be a little better off
(01:42:56) Gaurang: this is actually working a little bit
(01:43:09) Gaurang: if i on my own try to talk with people, they are always ready to talk
(01:43:29) Gaurang: i have always had lots of social delusions, that why would people want to talk to me, and that i will fail in being normal
(01:43:34) Gaurang: but i was wrong
(01:43:57) Gaurang: the problem now is -- i dont motivation to be successfuly
(01:44:05) Gaurang: why should one become successful?
(01:44:16) Gaurang: i have no answer to that
(01:44:19) Gaurang: and no valid reason
(01:44:37) XYZ: gaurang, believe me
(01:44:42) Gaurang: so thats one of the other masochistic outlook
(01:44:51) XYZ: there is just one reason for all this thoughts of urs
(01:44:59) XYZ: u think a lot re
(01:45:12) XYZ: stop thinking in all diections
(01:45:20) XYZ: keep ur mind focused and stable
(01:45:32) XYZ: no one would think the way u do
(01:45:45) XYZ: y do u need to know the reason to be successful
(01:46:05) XYZ: afterall being successful for u is diff as it wud be for me or any other person on earth
(01:46:15) XYZ: its all a personal thing
(01:46:26) XYZ: but then u think all kinds of things under the sun
(01:46:58) XYZ: 2moro u will start thinking of what is the need for birth and death? what is the purpose of life?
(01:47:08) Gaurang: in fact i didnt call ABC because i used to think that why would he want to such a dumb, dull and boring person like me
(01:47:12) XYZ: see some things are not to be looked out for answers
(01:47:27) XYZ: thats what ur prob is
(01:47:57) XYZ: u take and create irrelevant and wrong impressions and perceptions about urself
(01:47:58) Gaurang: hahah
(01:48:31) XYZ: u will not believe, u calling anyone of us is just another pride and blessing for us
(01:48:32) Gaurang: i have already gone there ... since we are going to die anyway... i find everything to be purposeless and meaning less - thats why i became nihilistic and became motivationlesss
(01:48:41) XYZ: and we take it in a positive manner
(01:49:03) XYZ: i know u wud have surely thought of that
(01:49:04) Gaurang: anyway go one
(01:49:06) Gaurang: go on
(01:49:18) XYZ: only ppl like you have all the time to think abt that
(01:49:22) XYZ: ;)
(01:49:32) XYZ: see, it is simple philosophy
(01:49:38) Gaurang: everybody knows that and thinks about that.... but still they are able to be cheerful, and happy, and motivated
(01:49:53) XYZ: exactly
(01:50:05) XYZ: u have been sent to this earth to pay ur part as a human being
(01:50:11) XYZ: so do what u like the best
(01:50:42) XYZ: i understand that u are having the most unique of thoughts and things u want to do in life
(01:50:51) XYZ: so there is nothing wrong in it
(01:51:19) XYZ: there might be ppl who wud find in ur way of life, there might be no one either
(01:51:24) XYZ: so u have to go on
(01:52:06) Gaurang: "do what you like the best".... this sounds nice..
(01:52:12) XYZ: for ppl around,u can think to change a bit or to a greater extent ur internal probs, but not necessarily though
(01:52:23) Gaurang: i had forgotten all of the things that i liked
(01:52:53) XYZ: it happens at somepoint in life
(01:53:00) XYZ: it is very natural
(01:53:08) XYZ: none of ur faults i wud say
(01:53:15) Gaurang: :)
(01:53:31) XYZ: more important;y, it is not at all imp to talk to all ppl around u
(01:53:36) XYZ: i dont do that either
(01:54:02) XYZ: u were very correct in saying that u shud talk to some1 u like
(01:54:10) XYZ: thats fair enough
(01:54:52) XYZ: u cant carry the whole world on ur back and u shud neither try doing that, cos for any probs thereafter,u will be held responsible for no fault of urs
(01:55:01) XYZ: thats exactly what happened with u
(01:55:22) XYZ: u tried and helped ppl around u in ur compnay for thier work
(01:55:41) XYZ: not necessarily everyone wud be the one u liked, i believe
(01:55:51) Gaurang: i like in general everyone
(01:56:04) Gaurang: i mean all people do.... but people choose
(01:56:16) Gaurang: thats another problem.... i dont choose
(01:56:24) XYZ: but then also u are not doing samajseva to help others and keep ur work at hanging
(01:56:59) XYZ: well u cud have done that after finishing off ur work, cudnt you?
(01:57:18) XYZ: well what motivation were u gettin in helping them out?
(01:57:25) XYZ: did u find any?
(01:57:35) Gaurang: feeling good about yourself...feeling that you are useful
(01:57:49) XYZ: if yes, u cud have employed the same motivation to doing ur work
(01:57:55) Gaurang: i mean i understand what you are saying....
(01:58:03) XYZ: thinking that u are useful to the company
(01:58:25) XYZ: u just need to change the focus from the employees to the employers and u are done
(01:58:39) XYZ: that change cud have done u a gr8 good
(01:59:12) XYZ: see i believe that there is nothing which u are not capable of doing in ur field
(01:59:22) Gaurang: yeah.... my focus was completely off the track ...
(01:59:49) XYZ: so had it been something regarding incapability of urs, i wud have understood that no one cud have helped u out
(02:00:01) XYZ: but this situation is not si
(02:00:02) XYZ: so
(02:00:21) XYZ: u are completely mentally and physically fit
(02:00:28) Gaurang: hahaha
(02:00:37) XYZ: and so there shud not be anything to worry
(02:01:01) XYZ: u r one ot thebrightest minds i have ever seen and i m proud u r my friend
(02:01:19) Gaurang: hahaha
(02:01:30) XYZ: but then believe me, stop thinking of matters which are completely out of ur control
(02:01:30) Gaurang: i pretend to...remember...creating an image
(02:01:47) Gaurang: hmm
(02:02:04) XYZ: they are all philosophical and cant go hand in hand when u try to live a normal life
(02:02:16) XYZ: no one wud think the way u
(02:02:38) XYZ: and i am sure that they wud also face similar probs that u are facingnow
(02:02:45) XYZ: so nothing in special to worry
(02:02:54) Gaurang: hey do one thing XYZ ....
(02:03:07) XYZ: its that u are dragging urself into deeper waters by so doing
(02:03:11) XYZ: yes tell me
(02:03:26) Gaurang: write " i SLAP you --- take care of yourself "
(02:03:42) XYZ: what is that now?
(02:03:48) Gaurang: :)
(02:04:22) Gaurang: if i were motivated enough to take care of myself, i would be better......i am just feeling too lazy to take care of myself
(02:04:36) Gaurang: i need someone to slap me and tell me that
(02:04:38) XYZ: frankly speaking,i wud have given u a couple of slaps by now had it been u were here
(02:04:45) Gaurang: hahah
(02:05:03) XYZ: now answer this questino of mine
(02:05:08) XYZ: very sincerely
(02:05:10) Gaurang: yeah
(02:05:12) XYZ: by ur heart
(02:05:18) Gaurang: yes....
(02:05:22) XYZ: it shud be very true
(02:05:34) XYZ: u think u will be happier in India?
(02:05:47) Gaurang: the big question right.... ;)
(02:05:58) XYZ: only in one straight word
(02:06:01) XYZ: yes/no
(02:06:12) Gaurang: you know what .. actually i think i am currrently not in a mentally good enough state to decide that
(02:06:23) XYZ: yes/no
(02:06:25) Gaurang: i might go back and then become normal again, then feel that i should come back
(02:06:28) XYZ: no third option
(02:06:36) XYZ: yes/no
(02:06:48) Gaurang: i have been thinking recently of very strongly going back to india -- if not now,,, then maybe within 1-3 years...
(02:07:03) XYZ: that is a long time now
(02:07:11) Gaurang: but i think i am not in a mentally good state to take such a big decision
(02:07:17) XYZ: u can become normal/insane by then ;)
(02:07:23) Gaurang: the thing is once you go back, its hard/impossible to come back
(02:07:30) XYZ: the big thing is now
(02:07:41) XYZ: its hard not impossible
(02:07:56) XYZ: but anyways u are deviatin fromthe topic
(02:08:07) XYZ: dont write anything now
(02:08:21) Gaurang: yeah but i would feel why take the whole trouble again, and then contine in a state of inertia
(02:08:23) XYZ: just straightaway answer my question only
(02:08:27) XYZ: dont devialte
(02:08:42) Gaurang: see i fail everywhere
(02:08:53) XYZ: none of ur probs
(02:08:55) Gaurang: but i will be happier in india definitely
(02:09:03) Gaurang: than here
(02:09:08) XYZ: u trying to make me understand
(02:09:12) XYZ: ok
(02:09:17) Gaurang: here life is more personal fulfillment based
(02:09:25) XYZ: just answer my questions in one sentence each
(02:09:28) Gaurang: i am more accustomed to group-based, familiy-based life
(02:09:53) Gaurang: if you have ambition/strong desire to be successful then US is the place to be
(02:09:57) XYZ: how long do u want to stay in US?
(02:10:37) XYZ: u there?
(02:10:50) Gaurang: once i feel that i have grown appropriately here
(02:11:41) Gaurang: after i join a job, then i might feel after a year or two, that i am now more capable as a person, then i start thinking of moving to india
(02:11:56) Gaurang: but life becomes more complicated after you marry
(02:12:11) XYZ: cant u grow capable in Indina?
(02:12:14) XYZ: india?
(02:12:14) Gaurang: actually i am not in a state to get married right now, but what to do, age doesnt stop
(02:12:29) Gaurang: not in the way i will here.... right
(02:12:40) Gaurang: i mean, you grow differently depending on the place
(02:12:49) Gaurang: i can learn some ways the stuff is done here...
(02:12:57) XYZ: i dont kwno what diff will it make there,since i have never been there
(02:12:59) Gaurang: and become more good at managing and getting things done
(02:13:22) XYZ: but whats the use if u dont intend to stay there anymore in future
(02:13:50) XYZ: anyways, i met PQR and he hasnt changed even 0.1%
(02:13:57) Gaurang: hahhaa
(02:14:07) XYZ: so i really dont know what change u are talking off
(02:14:09) Gaurang: no no but you grow in different ways ... that are not immediately obvious
(02:14:29) Gaurang: PQR is more capable now...although he was already very capable back there
(02:14:41) XYZ: and anyways, if u are open to change, u will change anywhere and everywhere
(02:14:46) Gaurang: he is now more mature
(02:14:48) XYZ: u may be right
(02:15:18) XYZ: but as i said, u shud look forward to changing urself to ur environment
(02:15:36) Gaurang: see if i go now , i will have a sense of failure
(02:15:45) XYZ: andwhats the use if u change self to ppl and place u dont intend to go long with
(02:15:54) XYZ: who says that?
(02:16:08) Gaurang: and will feel i didnt grow enough -- i mean - what i should do is to find a job, do good at it, feel more comfortable about myself, then think of what to do...
(02:16:10) XYZ: not everyone who go there settle there
(02:16:25) Gaurang: no no...
(02:16:37) Gaurang: like i am at low point in life ... i got fired and all that...
(02:16:37) XYZ: do u think wen u feel good u will want to come here again/
(02:16:55) Gaurang: if i go now, it will always be in the back of my mind that i was not able to do a job well here
(02:17:10) XYZ: its all in the mind dear
(02:17:44) XYZ: i dont say u shud pack up and move to India
(02:18:24) XYZ: its time for u to think for ur future and act accordingly
(02:18:47) XYZ: u r fortunate to have ur brother and bhabhi there
(02:18:59) XYZ: have u spoken this all to amit?
(02:19:12) Gaurang: a little bit
(02:19:24) Gaurang: but not much.
(02:19:38) Gaurang: i dont want to cause him to worry
(02:19:52) Gaurang: i mean, see i told all of this to a person in my company before...
(02:20:00) Gaurang: he first used to console me
(02:20:09) Gaurang: he then himself went into severe depression
(02:20:15) Gaurang: he stopped going to job
(02:20:21) Gaurang: he started hurting his baby
(02:20:27) Gaurang: he had to go to a mental hospital
(02:20:32) Gaurang: and then he went back to india
(02:20:45) Gaurang: to do farming
(02:21:00) Gaurang: all that happened because i told so many of my depressing thoughts to him
(02:21:15) Gaurang: thats why i dont want to tell this to so many people
(02:21:23) Gaurang: amit is also not very emotionally strong as you guys are
(02:21:57) Gaurang: he was also not
(02:22:45) XYZ: so gaya kya?
(02:22:56) XYZ logged in.
(02:23:46) Gaurang: that guy in the company was also not emotionally strong
(02:24:23) Gaurang: he takes a lot of care of me these days -- he is worried about me a lot
(02:24:24) XYZ: who?
(02:24:29) Gaurang: amit
(02:24:38) Gaurang: he makes me apply to companies... study for interviews..
(02:24:48) XYZ: hmm
(02:25:03) Gaurang: i was not motivated to that by myself -- just lack of focus
(02:25:19) Gaurang: its okay now...
(02:25:24) XYZ: see gaurang that always happens in life
(02:25:40) XYZ: not everything, everytime will be smooth
(02:25:51) XYZ: i have seen ppl having probs in all walks of life
(02:26:29) XYZ: i myself am struggling to get the right kind of job and DEF is aware of the difficulties there
(02:26:40) XYZ: even he is not very happy with what he is doing
(02:27:07) Gaurang: hmm
(02:27:15) XYZ: PQR says his is a dream job, then tell me why shud he be thinking of doing business in near furute
(02:27:48) XYZ: parimal after years of struggle has got it clicked at MBT again, u must have read his mail
(02:28:15) XYZ: mahesh has left his studies behind and has done what he liked the best and thought the best -- his business
(02:29:00) Gaurang: yeah i am just worrying too much
(02:29:02) XYZ: bhamare was not ready toappear for his project backlock as he was pretty sure he wud do gr8 guns at Amway,which he is doing
(02:29:02) Gaurang: XYZ
(02:29:16) XYZ: life is not that straight
(02:29:21) Gaurang: he didnt clear his project backlog?
(02:29:31) XYZ: at times u need to compromise, at times others need to
(02:29:52) XYZ: he did it when gaj and shital forced him to do so
(02:30:04) XYZ: gaj is also doing a call centre job which he hates the most
(02:30:23) XYZ: but dragging it some or the other way becos of no options
(02:30:28) Gaurang: i thought there were lots of jobs in India
(02:30:33) XYZ: to be open to u
(02:30:49) Gaurang: are they difficult to get?
(02:30:53) Gaurang: go on
(02:30:53) XYZ: XXXXXXX
(02:31:05) Gaurang: why
(02:31:13) Gaurang: what happenned
(02:31:46) XYZ: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(02:32:14) XYZ: XXXXXXXXXXX
(02:32:27) XYZ: used to hide them some or the other wats
(02:32:30) XYZ: ways
(02:33:06) Gaurang: that will not be for a long time -- dont worry
(02:33:15) Gaurang: soon you are going to get much money that they wont have to work
(02:33:20) XYZ: that is worryingme
(02:33:32) XYZ: thats a loing time, i am afraid
(02:33:44) XYZ: i also dont have the motivation for that
(02:33:55) XYZ: but then am waiting for something to click
(02:34:05) XYZ: life is not all that good anywhere
(02:34:13) XYZ: yes its sad
(02:34:19) XYZ: u shud ask ABC
(02:34:29) XYZ: much has happened since he has gone from here
(02:34:46) XYZ: but then he is still trying ways to cope up for that
(02:35:06) Gaurang: what?
(02:35:22) Gaurang: do you want me to ask him....
(02:35:37) Gaurang: i mean.... yeah..... i will ask him when i speak to him ...
(02:35:39) XYZ: well to tell u all
(02:35:45) XYZ: no dont do that
(02:35:49) XYZ: i will tell u
(02:36:13) XYZ: he was not very keenwhen he came here for amit s marriage
(02:36:19) XYZ: to go back there
(02:36:26) XYZ: then his grandpa expired
(02:37:12) Gaurang: hmmm
(02:37:16) Gaurang: yeah i know about that
(02:37:23) XYZ: then XXXXX
(02:37:27) XYZ: no fault of his
(02:37:47) XYZ: recently his mom was operated for something
(02:37:51) XYZ: though she is fine now
(02:37:57) Gaurang: oh
(02:38:00) XYZ: but then a very rough phase
(02:38:09) Gaurang: thats bad
(02:38:24) XYZ: so nots all good with ppl
(02:38:29) XYZ: anywhere
(02:38:41) Gaurang: hmmm
(02:38:41) XYZ: so nothing to worry
(02:39:00) XYZ: its that more u think, the more u wud get demotivated
(02:39:20) XYZ: i have seen ppl who are carefree and enjoy life like anything
(02:39:36) XYZ: actually our group has been at fault since the start
(02:39:50) Gaurang: what..
(02:39:52) XYZ: we restricted ourself to our group always
(02:40:01) XYZ: we never saw out of it
(02:40:15) Gaurang: you mean, we didnt mix up with other people???
(02:40:49) XYZ: some girls in our group cud have done too good to our group and wud have eased the surroundings ;)
(02:41:00) XYZ: well we never saw beyond guys
(02:41:00) Gaurang: hahahahaaa
(02:41:05) Gaurang: what are you talking about
(02:41:08) Gaurang: hahahaahhahaahahahahaahahahaah
(02:41:10) XYZ: i am frank in saying that
(02:41:19) Gaurang: bombay air...
(02:41:25) XYZ: they do help a lot re
(02:41:29) XYZ: thats not so
(02:41:30) Gaurang: u know what ... you are right ...
(02:41:39) XYZ: i have seen ppl with mixed groups
(02:41:41) Gaurang: but the thing is that its difficult to do that in akola no?
(02:41:51) XYZ: they have a reason to meet up and enjoy
(02:42:12) XYZ: but what heights did we reach there in Pune? tell me?
(02:42:20) XYZ: were there not girls in Punr?
(02:42:23) XYZ: punr?
(02:42:26) XYZ: pune?
(02:42:35) Gaurang: i mean....yeah.... we have been too conservative....
(02:42:53) XYZ: we restricted to flat # 9 damodar socy only
(02:43:10) XYZ: that was our smal world
(02:43:12) Gaurang: but you know what - you are getting mixed up in culture here -- we were coherent as far as akola culture was concerned - and we were conservative - like we maintained it --
(02:43:25) XYZ: well no regrets to our gr8 group
(02:43:27) Gaurang: after looking at big city cultures
(02:43:34) Gaurang: even i feel the same way....
(02:44:02) Gaurang: but our group was more true close supportive friendship based group .... the mixed groups are self-based.
(02:44:24) XYZ: that is ur misconception
(02:44:32) Gaurang: there are girls in the group because there is good chemistry which will hold the group - those groups fall apart if there would have not been girls in those groups
(02:44:34) XYZ: all friends are supportive as we are
(02:44:59) XYZ: infact more close than we our
(02:45:18) Gaurang: would those groups exist if there were no girls there
(02:45:48) XYZ: it is a seven month old prob which u are discussing with me now...had it been some other group, there wud have been a solution to ur grp till now and u still wud have been with paypal
(02:46:07) XYZ: girls are no reason for the existance of the group
(02:46:14) XYZ: they are just a part and parcel
(02:46:22) XYZ: i dont say they are the necessity
(02:46:53) XYZ: but then we wud have been more mature types since the start had there been some of them in out grp
(02:47:12) XYZ: i remem i went to b'lore in MBA first year with 5 girls
(02:47:17) Gaurang: yeah i know what you mean.....
(02:47:18) XYZ: for 20 days
(02:47:43) XYZ: that was a tough time and rather a learning phase for me to go along with them
(02:47:43) Gaurang: in akola though, it was difficult for that to happen... in mean mixed groups in akola were not very common
(02:47:57) XYZ: in the second year though, it was nothing new
(02:48:03) XYZ: and i was very comfortable
(02:48:56) XYZ: i know what u mean, but then accept the fact that we have taken life just too seriously everytime-everywhere
(02:49:15) XYZ: in so doing,we have missed the golden time of life
(02:49:20) Gaurang: hahahahahaha
(02:49:21) Gaurang: hahhaahah
(02:49:28) XYZ: we have hardly enjoyed
(02:49:44) XYZ: hardly gone anywhere and taken adventures
(02:50:02) XYZ: and now the time for all that is gone -- except for honeymoons ;)
(02:50:12) XYZ: no i m serious
(02:50:26) XYZ: coming to bombay, i have seen life more closely
(02:50:36) Gaurang: yeah i know what you mean..... i also couldnt be free with girls here because of my inexperience talking to them
(02:50:43) XYZ: ppl here specialy college groups enjoy like anything
(02:50:55) Gaurang: yeah ....
(02:51:10) XYZ: they hardly have any tensions...may be coming from good family or not
(02:51:15) XYZ: but then they enjoy
(02:51:16) Gaurang: here also people from bombay, delhi come .... they enjoy like anything ...
(02:51:21) XYZ: they are least bothered
(02:51:34) Gaurang: yeah thats a different lifestyle....
(02:51:39) XYZ: they are not aware and clear of what they want to do and why
(02:51:48) XYZ: they take life as it comes
(02:51:50) Gaurang: but you should not consider this as a failure since akola lifestyle is a little different
(02:52:32) XYZ: and i m sure, not even 10 ppl in mumbai of ur age wud have ever looked out for a reason as to why shud anyone be successful
(02:52:43) XYZ: thats the whole prob with u
(02:53:11) Gaurang: but u know what -- those people also cause problems to others - and they sometimes do not feel it
(02:53:14) XYZ: leave all those things to the philosophy to deal with
(02:53:24) Gaurang: like they might be a little too
(02:53:43) Gaurang: insesitive or what was that word
(02:53:56) XYZ: one sec
(02:54:00) Gaurang: yeah
(02:56:21) Gaurang: yeah that word was they would not be much empathetic
(02:57:52) XYZ: DEF is on phone line
(02:57:55) XYZ: one sec
(02:58:00) Gaurang: yeah i am here...
(02:58:14) Gaurang: dont hurry
(02:58:36) XYZ: he had CAT today
(02:58:53) Gaurang: oops
(02:58:59) Gaurang: how did it go?
(02:59:10) XYZ: wait
(02:59:24) Gaurang: yeah yeah dont hurry ... i am here ... i will check my mail and stufff
(03:05:18) XYZ: yeah
(03:05:23) XYZ: i m here
(03:05:29) XYZ: his CAT was bad
(03:05:37) XYZ: they have changed the pattern
(03:05:43) XYZ: and it was not good
(03:05:55) XYZ: thats what he sayd
(03:05:56) Gaurang: yeah i now understand a little more --- indian culture is sometimes said to be a closed, pressured culture (ask milind, he can explain you this with passion) -- people are more repressed, and pressured throughout life because of a suppressive, pressuring culture, and lowly developed society where survival is more difficult... whereas in the US you will see survival is very easy , and people are bothered least about anything in life - their basic purpose in life can be explained in one word "Enjoy". This gives rise to other problems like drugs, alcoholism, etc... Akola is one end, US is the other, and Mumbai is kind of hybrid, so it might have reached some optimal point..
(03:06:01) Gaurang: oh
(03:06:28) Gaurang: so most people would have found it tough
(03:06:59) Gaurang: (i am on a little high now, my low point is gone, i fluctuate as i told you)
(03:07:21) Gaurang: CAT is too tough
(03:07:22) XYZ: u understand better than anybody else i know
(03:07:38) XYZ: u know everything, but then also tend to deviate from facts
(03:08:04) XYZ: they are there around you as u just told that ppl in US enjoy a lot
(03:08:18) XYZ: i knew u as some one who liked to enjoy a lot
(03:08:20) Gaurang: they only enjoy thats what they do in life
(03:08:52) XYZ: and thats why i told all that u wud never come back to india again as u wud get the enjoyment there
(03:09:07) XYZ: but then it seems to have backfired for no reasons
(03:09:29) Gaurang: my mind is not clear -- it is mostly confused --
(03:09:36) XYZ: it is not
(03:09:44) XYZ: u have confused it all the more
(03:09:48) Gaurang: hahaha
(03:09:58) XYZ: none of ur faluts
(03:10:01) XYZ: faults
(03:10:33) XYZ: more often in an attempt to make things more clear u tend to entangle things more
(03:10:40) Gaurang: if americans were told to take CAT no one would pass
(03:10:47) XYZ: and in doing so get confused and frustrated
(03:10:53) Gaurang: they are just not accustomed to such hard things in life....
(03:10:53) XYZ: haha
(03:11:19) Gaurang: they are in awe of the indians here (well for some,anyway)
(03:11:58) Gaurang: yeah you are right
(03:12:04) XYZ: so, believe me...theres no problem with you
(03:12:09) Gaurang: I should follow the KISS principle
(03:12:16) XYZ: thats right
(03:12:44) Gaurang: though I could not accomplish the literal meaning, i should follow the abbreviation anyway ;)
(03:12:53) Gaurang: :)
(03:12:54) XYZ: see even if u get a reason for being successful and the purpose of life, u wont be able to explain to anyone
(03:13:03) XYZ: haha
(03:13:31) XYZ: and ppl will all the more run away from u if u try and explain them the reasons
(03:14:04) XYZ: cos for every person the reason wud be diff,,,its a diff story altogether that not many ppl have reasons or are interested in one
(03:14:16) XYZ: so it is not ur work to find reasons for that
(03:14:26) XYZ: let ppl have their own reasons
(03:14:37) XYZ: find one pirpose in ur life
(03:15:06) XYZ: maybe to keep ppl around u/ppl in ur family/friends ;) happy
(03:15:13) XYZ: and thats it
(03:15:35) XYZ: thats the world u are supposed to restrict urself to
(03:15:36) Gaurang: i have been trying to concentrate on this quote -- but i havent been able to successfully do it till now :
(03:15:38) Gaurang: I suggest that you do your job and your duties wholeheartedly andjoyfully, and bring peace and happiness in your family and in yoursurroundings; do Japa, the chanting or repeating of the name of God,and ask for whatever you want, and you will recieve it.
- Mother Meera
(03:15:49) XYZ: u cant take care of everyone
(03:16:19) XYZ: i read it on ur site the other day when i was showing ur site to one of my colleague
(03:16:35) XYZ: needless to say he was impressed as all others are
(03:16:43) Gaurang: hahaha
(03:16:54) Gaurang: i am good at creating images thats what i do :)
(03:16:57) Gaurang: anyway dont worry
(03:16:58) XYZ: but then u always tend to look at ppl who hate u are prob not interested in u
(03:17:34) XYZ: u have created a good impression on many...its just that u tend to move away from such ppl
(03:18:33) Gaurang: i am afraid of people, i have fear of failing to be worthy, i have feelings of incapability to be normal....these have come over time....due to various psycho-social delusions that i have
(03:19:20) Gaurang: i have to follow the "I am OK. You are OK." mantra
(03:19:57) Gaurang: but my masochistic tendencies take pleasure being in a bad situation and they prevent me to make myself better
(03:20:05) XYZ: i dont find u incapable of anything
(03:20:18) Gaurang: in fact, it is hard to convince myself to do a thing that will help me....
(03:20:23) XYZ: just that u take time to reply and respond does not mean u are incapabe
(03:20:40) Gaurang: for example, for a microsoft interview i reached 40 minutes late....
(03:20:50) XYZ: infact for some of the most urgent things, u have been very prompt
(03:21:05) XYZ: u remember i asked u to make a zero with many small zeroes
(03:21:07) XYZ: ?
(03:21:15) Gaurang: yeah what happenned to that Ad?
(03:21:20) XYZ: u were very prompt in that
(03:21:37) XYZ: well it passed the test but cud not get the prize
(03:21:52) Gaurang: cool
(03:21:56) XYZ: anyways, it will be probably sold sometime in future thru the website
(03:22:00) XYZ: all thanx to u
(03:22:08) Gaurang: the prize you will get the next time ;)
(03:22:18) Gaurang: NO THANKS TO ME
(03:22:33) Gaurang: Just making that zero stuff was useless.. the whole ad is your credit....
(03:22:39) XYZ: so there have been instances (innumerable) where u have touched the hearts of ppl for doing them good
(03:22:41) Gaurang: come on ... now dont try to be modest :)
(03:22:45) XYZ: which only ppl know
(03:23:25) XYZ: and you dont expect them to tell u that in words...their actions will answer you when u are in need for help from them
(03:23:52) XYZ: such ppl are all around u and they will respond at a proper and appropriate time
(03:24:02) Gaurang: yeah .... i know.... i have to just learn to be normal you know ... rest is fine... i just need to know how to talk with people... how to enjoy life...and how to take care of oneself..
(03:24:13) XYZ: specially in a place like US,u cant expect everything to move with time
(03:24:19) XYZ: and with u
(03:24:41) Gaurang: yeah thanks ...... :)
(03:24:42) XYZ: u very well knew how to enjoy life
(03:25:22) XYZ: probably what all u need to learn is to be open and speak up
(03:25:28) Gaurang: talking to you felt very nice ... :)
(03:25:51) XYZ: thanx for that, but then i am worried man
(03:26:03) XYZ: u shud have told all this to me earlier
(03:26:21) XYZ: well anyways, u need not worry
(03:26:57) XYZ: i dont see anything wrong with you...u are capable of anything and everything under the sun and so dont lose confidence
(03:27:09) XYZ: u will soon get a job and a good one...
(03:27:18) Gaurang: i had lost all context.... i was not keeping in touch with you guys properly... i was not keeping in touch with family as well....
(03:27:25) Gaurang: so i completely lost all context....
(03:27:39) XYZ: ya thats imp as well
(03:27:48) Gaurang: so i need to keep in touch...thats why i decided that i will be online now....
(03:27:53) Gaurang: for the past 1-2 days
(03:27:58) Gaurang: i met many people...
(03:27:58) XYZ: but then ABC has lost contact with everyone
(03:28:01) Gaurang: that felt nice too
(03:28:09) XYZ: he has no contact with me for long
(03:28:33) XYZ: does that mean even he shud repent for that and start worrying and get depressed?
(03:28:39) XYZ: see times have changed now
(03:28:58) XYZ: george comes home for less than one time in a year
(03:29:19) XYZ: he has the same faces to talk to and same surroundings to stick to
(03:29:37) XYZ: there is absolutely no freedom of movement when on ship
(03:29:49) XYZ: but then that is no reason for depressino
(03:29:51) Gaurang: remembering so many people, i am feeling energetic and within the world back again
(03:29:55) Gaurang: i was too detached
(03:30:18) XYZ: that is just a phase in life u need to pass and everyone has to pass
(03:30:19) Gaurang: yeah....
(03:30:31) XYZ: not much can be done in that
(03:31:02) XYZ: u tend to know so many truths in life but then also u tend to deviate from the things u dont like
(03:31:35) XYZ: for example...i know sales is to be taken up if u want to enter marketing
(03:32:09) XYZ: but then also i want to climb it straight to marketing
(03:32:20) XYZ: or wud look to leave sales altogether
(03:32:28) XYZ: so there is a prob area
(03:32:32) XYZ: everyone has it
(03:32:46) Gaurang: actually you know what -- being depressed - everything you think is negative ----- i think failure to form friendship with a girl in my internship and the married girl at paypal i was probably feeling too worthless -- if those would have worked out, i think things would have been different
(03:32:50) XYZ: and it will go in sometime when i wud fail to get marketing
(03:33:10) Gaurang: ?
(03:33:12) XYZ: yeah
(03:33:33) Gaurang: which division are you in currently?
(03:33:39) XYZ: then wud be the time when i wud accept sales and wait for theright time for marketing
(03:33:57) XYZ: i m in corporate sales having done MBA marketing
(03:34:14) Gaurang: ok ok
(03:34:17) Gaurang: thats why you are not happy?
(03:34:20) XYZ: in India there is hardly marketing found in indian companies
(03:34:21) Gaurang: with the job?
(03:34:32) XYZ: no there are reasons for that and many in no.
(03:34:45) Gaurang: man .... for marketting ofcourse there is nothign better than US or maybe europse
(03:35:03) Gaurang: here you get sick and tired of marketing
(03:35:10) Gaurang: and you want it to be removed from life
(03:35:23) Gaurang: in fact, big companies charge more just because of big marketing
(03:35:37) Gaurang: here you get around 5 letters daily -- minimum -- which are just marketting
(03:35:44) Gaurang: this phenomenon i never saw in india
(03:35:48) XYZ: i told u know na that i have applied for Canada permanent residence
(03:36:07) Gaurang: i think you should start that in india
(03:36:15) XYZ: what?
(03:36:20) Gaurang: in india, the housewives would look at the pampletes more
(03:36:53) Gaurang: there are lot of sales pamplete, brouchures, offer letters, even books containing deals................these come for free daily in your postal mail
(03:37:00) XYZ: indian companys' spending on ads is very bad
(03:37:15) Gaurang: they purchase addresses from some other companies just like email addresses for spam
(03:37:23) Gaurang: there is huge postal spam here as well
(03:37:30) XYZ: it is coming up with MNCs but thenalso hardly many companies who do good advertising
(03:37:53) Gaurang: you could do that with the cloth shop in akola
(03:38:00) Gaurang: not many people come to know about that shop
(03:38:07) Gaurang: you could make pampletes and send it over to houses
(03:38:15) XYZ: are u mad?my papa will nicely slap me ;)
(03:38:21) Gaurang: the housewives will look at that, and you will have created a brand name
(03:38:34) Gaurang: a brand name is the only important thing if you want to sell anything
(03:38:53) Gaurang: no why
(03:38:57) Gaurang: you could fund that
(03:39:01) Gaurang: it will not be very costly
(03:39:09) Gaurang: it will pay back soon
(03:39:24) XYZ: hey plz....i have already spend all my savings in giving ielts and applying for immigration
(03:39:35) Gaurang: hahah
(03:39:41) XYZ: i m standin on bankruptcy right now
(03:39:51) XYZ: ;)
(03:39:51) Gaurang: yeah whenever man......
(03:39:57) Gaurang: use credit cards
(03:39:58) Gaurang: ;)
(03:40:00) Gaurang: just kidding
(03:40:13) XYZ: i have applied for one, but still not got it
(03:40:15) XYZ: ;)
(03:40:30) XYZ: the company doubts if i can pay the bills ;)
(03:41:13) Gaurang: there was this mail in the developers mailing list in paypal -- where a person wrote to around 100 developers -- i am throwing a big overnight party at a pub , all of you are welcome and drink and do whatever you want..... this is because i am out of debt for the first time!!!......then somebody replied -- "are you paying for the party by credit card?"
(03:41:17) Gaurang: :)
(03:41:36) Gaurang: i heard that credit cards are easy to get in india nowadays
(03:41:45) Gaurang: you can just what your salary is and they should give you
(03:41:49) XYZ: yes thats true
(03:42:13) XYZ: plastic money has come a big way inindia
(03:42:27) XYZ: i guess u shud be fine now with what we have discusees
(03:42:31) XYZ: discussed
(03:42:36) Gaurang: yeah ....
(03:42:39) Gaurang: very well off now...
(03:42:45) Gaurang: feeling better now...
(03:42:51) XYZ: one important thing i think u shud think for
(03:43:08) XYZ: ABC is trying for jobs in US as well in India...
(03:43:26) Gaurang: yeah ....
(03:43:35) Gaurang: i forwarded him a job website the other day...
(03:43:53) XYZ: why dont u also do the same? apply both places...take what comes first and best fit for u and move on from there...life will be simpler then
(03:44:02) Gaurang: hahah
(03:44:17) Gaurang: i will get a job in India well before than in the US
(03:44:21) XYZ: u are better off in that case...take it as it comes...keep bth options open
(03:44:31) XYZ: so come down
(03:44:32) XYZ: simple
(03:44:36) Gaurang: his field is somewhat niche field -- for me - its general software -- there should be a lot of openings there
(03:44:42) XYZ: anyways it is a win-win situatino for u
(03:45:03) XYZ: as also, u said u wud be happier in India
(03:45:08) Gaurang: no if i go back to india, i would go back to akola ...
(03:45:14) Gaurang: and do business
(03:45:23) XYZ: u mean u wud join ur business?
(03:45:28) XYZ: o thats gr8
(03:45:28) Gaurang: yeah i would stay at home
(03:45:44) XYZ: otherwise whats the future of ur empire? ;)
(03:45:54) XYZ: no i m serious
(03:45:56) Gaurang: nothing ....
(03:46:00) Gaurang: there are cousins...
(03:46:11) Gaurang: but basically...i am planning on going back to it
(03:46:11) XYZ: i know nothing;
(03:46:44) XYZ: see the kind of business that u have inplace is something which cant be accomodated and managed by a select few
(03:47:13) XYZ: u need ppl from family to be involved and look at the nitty gritty and loopholes and fill them up
(03:47:38) Gaurang: yeah ...
(03:47:46) XYZ: so family based businesses grow when they themselves are involved to the core anbd when they employ the best of the ppl in it
(03:47:47) Gaurang: it requires family attention
(03:47:52) XYZ: exactly
(03:48:03) Gaurang: and papa is busy in doing other things....
(03:48:03) XYZ: and there is nothing wrong in it if u join it
(03:48:21) Gaurang: so one of us (probably me, and then later amit i think) will go back there and relieve papa
(03:48:29) XYZ: infact ppl will be more surprised if u dont join ur business and stay at US
(03:48:41) Gaurang: my parents also wants one of us to come back
(03:48:57) XYZ: so when amit comes to india u plan to go back to US kya?
(03:49:01) Gaurang: hahahah
(03:49:02) Gaurang: ahhahha
(03:49:14) XYZ: see that makes sense that one of u come back
(03:49:18) XYZ: i will tell u why
(03:49:27) XYZ: what are the plans of ur parents?
(03:49:29) Gaurang: no no he has some motivation for success and all that ... so he will stay in the US longer until he realizes that he also likes being at home
(03:49:50) XYZ: are they planning to come to US and settle with u guys?
(03:49:54) Gaurang: no not at all
(03:50:04) XYZ: i knew that
(03:50:13) XYZ: basically they have no reason for that
(03:50:25) XYZ: and what are ur pland?
(03:50:27) XYZ: plans?
(03:50:46) XYZ: u want to stay with them? or only with ur wife and have a nuclear family?
(03:51:03) Gaurang: stay at that house in akola
(03:51:09) Gaurang: with everybody
(03:51:14) XYZ: see now
(03:51:22) XYZ: its all very clear
(03:51:30) XYZ: as clear as anything
(03:51:35) Gaurang: i realized just some days ago that i will be more happy at my home
(03:51:57) Gaurang: so i planned to come ... i am trying to convince amit and bhabhi as well
(03:52:22) XYZ: u knew that for a long time now...it was also reflected in the mail fromur side saying me that I will be more happier in india then canada
(03:52:36) XYZ: all is known to y
(03:52:52) XYZ: the festivals...the people there...the enjoyement
(03:53:19) Gaurang: yeah .... i was only unsure that time... now in these bad days...since loosing that job, my depression increased, and i realized that i have been heading in the wrong direction......and your thoughts make me feel better about that...
(03:53:30) XYZ: everything is known...only thing is that u tend to move from ur priorities in life due to ur surrounding pressures
(03:54:07) XYZ: and thats y i say, u shud be least bothered abt anything
(03:55:10) XYZ: do u think anybody will worry as to what gaurang thinks about me? how shud i speak to him...will he like that or not..or anything like that?
(03:55:12) Gaurang: http://gaurang.org/me/2004/11/finding-yourself.html
(03:55:19) XYZ: i know only ur girlfriend will
(03:55:30) Gaurang: haha
(03:55:32) Gaurang: yeah....
(03:56:08) XYZ: ppl dont actually have the tme to do all such things re
(03:56:27) XYZ: they are so busy in their personal life that they hate to look around
(03:56:32) XYZ: u need to do the same
(03:56:34) Gaurang: yeah ....
(03:56:39) XYZ: get a bit selfish in life
(03:56:48) XYZ: leave all worries to ppl around u
(03:57:03) XYZ: u r not the only one to take care of all those things
(03:57:22) Gaurang: hmmm.......
(03:57:45) Gaurang: chal then..........you must be getting late....
(03:58:03) Gaurang: it was nice speaking to you ....
(03:58:11) Gaurang: good i found you and told you all this stuff....
(03:58:27) XYZ: well not me,,,u are getting late for sleep...u need to get up early in the morning as u are trying for that
(03:58:28) Gaurang: it feels better now...
(03:58:29) XYZ: ;)
(03:58:33) Gaurang: i can connect with myself now
(03:58:40) Gaurang: :)
(03:59:01) XYZ: plz do thar
(03:59:02) Gaurang: and about the Treo, basically i called him up -- he was busy that time - so he told me to call on monday evening....
(03:59:03) XYZ: that
(03:59:27) Gaurang: i will call him on sunday though....if he agrees to take it , i can fedex it to him
(03:59:31) Gaurang: he is leaving on wednesday
(03:59:41) Gaurang: he didnt keen to take it though....
(03:59:52) XYZ: just see to it that it does not stay at his place only ;)
(04:00:01) Gaurang: hahaha
(04:00:02) XYZ: no probs
(04:00:04) XYZ: then
(04:00:06) Gaurang: no no i will give a margin
(04:00:12) XYZ: dont send it with him
(04:00:15) Gaurang: no no
(04:00:23) Gaurang: i mean thats what i thought - i will talk to him later
(04:00:29) XYZ: ok
(04:00:32) XYZ: do let me know
(04:00:56) Gaurang: i will talk with paresh as to what to do if that doesnt go with him - if he agrees to wait until december then
(04:01:13) XYZ: but while i was talking to u, i thought that I was troubling u with that Treo at a very bad time in ur life
(04:01:26) XYZ: no dont talk to him
(04:01:27) Gaurang: alright - other wise he was saying of taking the stuff in india
(04:01:45) XYZ: u just let me know if he can get it
(04:01:48) Gaurang: ok
(04:01:58) XYZ: he is very desperate even now
(04:02:15) XYZ: only thing is do let me know if dhiraj is not getting it
(04:02:24) XYZ: we will look out for an alternative
(04:02:31) Gaurang: okay....
(04:02:58) XYZ: but frankly i am really sorry for bothering with treo at such a time when u are facing probs
(04:03:15) XYZ: had i known abt it, i wud have not asked u for that
(04:03:18) Gaurang: no that treo was not a problem - at the most a very tiny problem indeed
(04:03:30) Gaurang: :)
(04:03:33) XYZ: i m feeling guilty abt that
(04:03:33) Gaurang: dont worry about it
(04:03:39) Gaurang: i already have that treo
(04:03:41) Gaurang: kuch bhi
(04:03:49) XYZ: however small..that treo was a prob i know
(04:03:52) Gaurang: theres nothing much i did...
(04:03:56) XYZ: no frankly re
(04:04:03) XYZ: anyways
(04:04:05) Gaurang: it could have come if it had not been for the slow shipping from the seller
(04:04:08) XYZ: thanx for that
(04:04:29) Gaurang: anyway dont worry about that - i will let you know how it goes with dhiraj
(04:04:55) XYZ: and once u get the H1, try and come to India for a month and then prob look out for a job,,,u will feel refreshed in india i am sure
(04:05:05) XYZ: think over it
(04:05:18) Gaurang: yeah okay....
(04:05:37) XYZ: u need to identify urself with ur family and friends to get more and more motivated
(04:05:41) XYZ: that will help
(04:05:44) Gaurang: yeah
(04:05:52) Gaurang: i will/am doing that ;)
(04:05:53) XYZ: probably u can even have a word with ur family
(04:06:03) Gaurang: i dont worry them actually
(04:06:20) XYZ: great so i can expect to see u soon maybe
(04:06:20) Gaurang: mummy gets worried very fast
(04:06:38) XYZ: please mail me and i will see u at the airport w/o fail
(04:06:42) XYZ: hmm
(04:06:44) Gaurang: i dont know -- i will see how it goes
(04:06:53) Gaurang: i am not sure of coming soon
(04:07:06) XYZ: how long will H1 take
(04:07:07) XYZ: ?
(04:07:19) Gaurang: 10-12 days
(04:07:36) XYZ: so then u shud plan it immediately then
(04:07:44) XYZ: y wait for a job and leave then?
(04:07:51) XYZ: does not make much sense
(04:08:21) XYZ: u will not get a months leave as well if u join
(04:08:24) Gaurang: the consultant itself is a job -- i mean they will look for clients...
(04:08:28) Gaurang: yeah ....
(04:08:39) Gaurang: with a consultant visa i can come down there...
(04:09:05) Gaurang: i will have to get an H1 visa appointment at the consulate which i cannot get for 2 months later...
(04:09:13) Gaurang: so i will have to get it "in black"
(04:09:20) XYZ: so stay here for 2 months then
(04:09:28) XYZ: whats the prob
(04:09:35) XYZ: u enjoy india till then
(04:09:38) XYZ: ;)
(04:10:11) Gaurang: hmmm i will think about it...
(04:10:33) XYZ: u sure do that
(04:10:42) Gaurang: yeah ...
(04:10:52) Gaurang: chalo then ... thanks for the help man! :)
(04:11:01) XYZ: no thanks plz
(04:11:12) Gaurang: you have always been a great problem solver in any thing :)
(04:11:13) XYZ: do take care of urself and let me know how u feel now
(04:11:23) XYZ: u joking?
(04:11:27) Gaurang: no really
(04:11:27) XYZ: plz dont
(04:11:42) XYZ: no plz dont joke at this hour
(04:11:47) Gaurang: you always know how to solve problems perfectly in most situations
(04:11:49) XYZ: i guess u feeling sleepy
(04:11:59) XYZ: again
(04:12:03) XYZ: plz stop that
(04:12:05) Gaurang: chal chal....
(04:12:11) Gaurang: kuch bhi... i am not joking...
(04:12:17) XYZ: i want u to be perfectly alright
(04:12:21) Gaurang: man you are good at problem solving man you know that...
(04:12:28) XYZ: mail me abt the same in couple of days
(04:12:40) Gaurang: sometimes the problems are so hard that they *cannot* be solved immediately then what will anybody do
(04:12:42) XYZ: that is again a test of how u have changed ;)
(04:12:48) Gaurang: hahah
(04:12:52) Gaurang: okay
(04:13:13) Gaurang: what else then...
(04:13:18) XYZ: nothng
(04:13:26) Gaurang: ok .... where are you now?
(04:13:31) XYZ: have a carefree and good sleep
(04:13:35) XYZ: nishas place
(04:13:39) Gaurang: OOOPS
(04:13:45) Gaurang: i hope nisha was not around
(04:13:46) XYZ: enjoying weekend
(04:14:01) XYZ: no dont worry
(04:14:07) Gaurang: ok hows nisha and family?
(04:14:11) XYZ: she was sleeping most of the tme
(04:14:17) XYZ: good yaar
(04:14:21) Gaurang: ok
(04:14:39) Gaurang: chal then .... enjoy life ... okay....
(04:14:40) XYZ: so gaurang plz dont think a lot and be normal
(04:14:54) Gaurang: yeah i will try to keep it simple....
(04:14:58) XYZ: i am sure u can enjoy life there as well as anywhere on earth
(04:15:08) XYZ: even on moon for that matter ;)
(04:15:26) XYZ: so just chill out with some good job
(04:15:27) Gaurang: if they had a broadband connection.... then okay :)
(04:15:52) Gaurang: you also do well and get into marketting ;)
(04:15:57) XYZ: u r sure to get a good job soon with ur abilities
(04:15:58) Gaurang: and let me know how canada stuff goes
(04:16:09) XYZ: will take timefor canada
(04:16:14) Gaurang: and dont worry about your daddy.... it will work out....
(04:16:18) XYZ: and i m not sure i will go or not
(04:16:41) XYZ: i dont know but i m taking a long time to settle then i shud have ideally taken
(04:16:48) XYZ: things are not all gr8
(04:16:49) Gaurang: hmmm i will talk about canada with you next time...
(04:16:57) XYZ: well anyways. do take care
(04:17:10) Gaurang: no man... you are doing good..
(04:17:13) XYZ: and more importantly keep in touch
(04:17:16) XYZ: it pays
(04:17:17) Gaurang: the mba degree will help you in the long run...
(04:17:20) Gaurang: not immediately...
(04:17:23) XYZ: i know
(04:17:32) XYZ: thanx for that
(04:17:38) Gaurang: dont worry .... you have been doing good :)
(04:17:57) XYZ: i hope so, but also fear the othr side of it
(04:18:01) XYZ: anyways
(04:18:03) XYZ: now u sleep
(04:18:06) Gaurang: okay yeah
(04:18:11) Gaurang: you also take care then....
(04:18:14) XYZ: and forget all worries when u do so
(04:18:16) Gaurang: good night
(04:18:24) Gaurang: good day
(04:18:27) XYZ: have a relaxed sleep
(04:18:32) Gaurang: thanks again ;)
(04:18:36) XYZ: Good Night
(04:18:37) Gaurang: thanks
(04:18:38) Gaurang: bye
(04:18:43) XYZ: anytime for u dear
(04:18:44) XYZ: bye
(04:18:48) Gaurang: bye
(04:18:49) XYZ: waiting for ur mail
(04:19:00) XYZ: this time not abt treo...abt u and ur life
(04:19:02) XYZ: ;)
(04:19:04) Gaurang: yeah i will write in a couple of days
(04:19:06) Gaurang: :)
(04:19:28) XYZ: try and find a girlfriend if poss and ur life wil change substantially
(04:19:31) Gaurang: hahahaah
(04:19:32) Gaurang: ahahaha
(04:19:36) XYZ: think abt it i am not joking
(04:19:41) XYZ: seriously
(04:19:47) Gaurang: yeah .... there are no available desi girls here ...
(04:19:59) XYZ: if u have one, she wud look out for solutions for u
(04:20:01) Gaurang: you are in a good position to try there :)
(04:20:07) XYZ: and u will never feel lonely
(04:20:25) Gaurang: yeah
(04:20:29) XYZ: who says u need only desis
(04:20:33) Gaurang: hahahaah
(04:20:40) XYZ: videsis wud also be good
(04:20:42) XYZ: ;)
(04:20:46) XYZ: chal then
(04:20:48) Gaurang: with only desis you wont feel lonely
(04:20:49) XYZ: bye and take care
(04:20:50) Gaurang: yeah bye
(04:20:52) Gaurang: take care
(04:20:56) XYZ: Good Night
(04:21:04) XYZ: i m mailing this to DEF only
(04:21:13) Gaurang: ok
(04:21:14) XYZ: u dont mail it to ABC nor to anybody else
(04:21:16) XYZ: ok?
(04:21:34) Gaurang: i will mail it to some friends here....
(04:21:40) Gaurang: i havent explained to them whats been happenning
(04:21:54) Gaurang: its difficult to talk on phone to them about such things
(04:22:05) Gaurang: do you mind?
(04:22:13) Gaurang: i can mail only the top half if you so wish
(04:22:59) Gaurang: i just want them to know whats been happenning to me -- even though I feel better now --
(04:23:21) Gaurang: it will be good that they know so that i can talk to them about this as well
(04:24:35) Gaurang: ok i will only mail them my sentences...
(04:24:44) Gaurang: in the top half
(04:25:24) Gaurang: ok ok i wont ....
(04:25:28) Gaurang: :)
(04:26:01) XYZ logged in.
(04:26:14) Gaurang: chal then ... i wont --i will let you know if i do
(04:26:22) Gaurang: what happenned? are you there?
(04:26:28) XYZ: yes
(04:26:30) Gaurang: ok
(04:26:36) XYZ: i have mailed DEF
(04:26:38) XYZ: chal bye
(04:26:42) Gaurang: chal bye
(04:26:44) XYZ: take care
(04:26:47) Gaurang: take care
(04:26:51) XYZ: good night
(04:27:07) XYZ: read my next quote in my signature soon
(04:27:09) XYZ: bye
(04:27:12) XYZ has closed the conversation window.